Balancing the Physical and Non-Physical
I started my journey into the “spiritual” world a little over four years ago. I put “spiritual” in parentheses because I know people view this word differently. Some may attach it to religion, some to quantum physics. It’s our word we’ve dubbed as “the unknown.” It’s the part of ourselves and the world we don’t yet fully understand, and I don’t think we ever will. I think there’s a piece of us that innately knows there is more, but the human part forces us to create a name for it, keeping it in a narrow container because we can’t quite grasp the vastness of it. This “it” I speak of is the everything of all creation. The intelligence that governs everything that is both alive and unalive. We all know there’s something, but what is it?
Last night, as I tucked my ten-year-old daughter into bed, she asked me how this all got started. How humans were created, and what created whoever/whatever created us… Deep questions for a ten-year-old, I thought, but then I was quickly reminded that I thought those same thoughts when I was her age. We all do, but society makes sure to quiet those questions very early because those types of questions can cause some implications.
You know those implications… People looking at you like you had seven heads… Like the demon monster mentioned in the book of Revelation. Or the judgments projected onto us by friends and family that tell us to focus on the present moment, like our job, kids, marriage, sports, media, “There are people starving in the world and this is your focus?!” Those types of implications. No one ever wants those. But the implications don’t change the undying curiosity that always sits within the deepest parts of our psyche, which most times makes its way up when we sit in silence for more than five minutes.
For some of us, these questions burn like hellfire fury even when the world is noisy and we’re running from place to place, juggling all the things. We don’t need the silence to show us what lurks within our subconscious. It’s there, front and center, 24/7/365.
This is where I come to the front of the class, introduce myself, and exclaim, “I’M THAT PERSON!” The questioning has been something I’ve lived with my whole life. From the moment I opened my eyes, I’ve wondered, “What is this place and how did I get here?” You can say it’s the trauma, and my relentless need to escape to my “home” in the sky, or you can say I was a natural-born philosopher. Either way, you’re right. Every thought, feeling, and action holds truth, no matter what, because in this universe, there is potential for infinite truths, all existing at once.
So as I write this, I dub this my truth. One of many truths I’ve come to find on my journey. Tomorrow it may be a different truth, because I’ve experienced many revelations that have changed my entire perspective on reality in a single moment, but for now, this is where I’m sitting. This is what I’ve learned, and what I am still learning and integrating.
What I Thought Was Truth
Growing up, I always debated if God was real, and if HE was, why would He allow such suffering in the world? Children were being taken from their families or being abused by their own mother and father, while others were rolling in money and flaunting lavish things. I also wondered why he would praise Christianity and support the actions of this congregation when they uprooted people’s lives and cast them out of society. In the name of God. Why almost every single war was based on differing religious beliefs and people were killing each other in the name of God. “What kind of God was this?” I would ask myself religiously (you like what I did there?) Each time I would observe my surroundings to come up with a conclusion, I was left more and more confused. Why was I being called “the devil” when everything I did was for kindness towards all people, but they could condemn and judge others endlessly, and they were perfect reflections of God? I didn’t get it, but I had to let it go. Questioning those things definitely caused a lot of implications in my life, and I was just trying to survive, so I turned down the volume on the God questioning for a while and kept myself busy with work.
As I silenced myself more throughout my life, I started to develop issues with my health. I came from a very sick family because of generational trauma passed down for who knows how long, and I can’t help but question now if those issues developed partly because no one knew who they were. No one could see the truth inside of themselves. They all looked outside and witnessed an unkind world, and then followed suit as a way of fitting in. I almost fell into the same trap many times as I played, as an experiment for doctors to see what was “wrong” with me. Being prescribed a different medication each time I visited, and given a new diagnosis along with it. At the time, I trusted these people and gave them every ounce of my power. Leaving none for myself.
Nonetheless, I always made sure to regularly see a doctor, even though they left me with more questions than answers most times, and I “obeyed” societal expectations to keep myself out of trouble. I kept my dark parts hidden behind closed doors and only showed the parts of myself I knew would be accepted by most people. I learned to shape-shift very early in life as a coping mechanism to keep myself safe, and I still work every day at breaking out of that habit. It runs deep in many of us, doesn’t it? I was going through the motions, doing all the things humans did, but I still felt unsettled. Unfinished. Unfulfilled. The fire kept burning, no matter how much I tried to put it out.
I thought at the time I had no control over my life, and life was just life. Until…
I Learned My Real Truth
I’ve always loved learning about the mind and what makes us “tick.” For many years, I was so busy with work, I never had time to read or listen to books on topics I enjoyed. When COVID happened, it was a blessing because it allowed me the opportunity to sit still for once. I recognized I was miserable at work and decided to quit my job and focus on my own well-being. At the time, I was having issues with my reproductive system, and my energy was depleting fast. My attention and focus quickly went from earning a living wage to working to stay alive and healthy.
Like many others, my mental health went into the tank when COVID hit. I’m a natural empath, and learned that very quickly after I had to take days off from witnessing the death happening in the world. I felt it in my whole body. I just wanted to cry until all of the pain disappeared, but no matter how many tears I shed, I just couldn’t find a way to feel better. I had to take action instead of sitting around and letting myself rot.
I started gardening as my “COVID hobby,” and I still believe to this day that being outside, with my hands in the dirt (wearing gloves, I may add), and watching these plants come to life is what saved me from spiraling into a very dark place. I was never a “plant lady” and had absolutely no clue what I was doing, but I knew it made me feel better. I could feel a deep connection with the Earth, and even told my therapist at the time, “I swear I can feel the pain of the Earth,” and she was feeling mine too. We were working together to transmute all of the darkness happening and bringing it into the light to be healed.
Once travel restrictions were lifted, we visited Sedona, where I had my spiritual awakening. I still can’t explain how or why our awakenings come on sometimes so suddenly, but in that short few days, my entire way of being was changed for the rest of my life. The blanket that was covering that fire was stripped off of me, and the only thing I was left with was a burning urge to figure out who I was, where I came from, and why the fuck I was here. Especially during this time, when things seem so uncertain for humanity. I KNEW I was here for a reason, and I was determined to find out why.
There It Was
As I started reading more about spirituality, energy, and healing the body through thought, it was like gasoline on my fire, and now the flames were raging. My curiosity was at an all-time high, and I wanted to know everything. Before my awakening, I was already learning more about the mind and personality disorders, as I wanted to know more about growing up with a mother with Borderline Personality Disorder, which I know now is a topic so much deeper than I could have ever imagined. I also learned about the ways humans form habits and why.
I was already on a slow-moving train to awakening, but once I awakened and knew there was more to this world, I ditched the choo-choo train and jumped right onto the high-speed rail. It started with The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel A. van der Kolk. A book I suggest everyone read. Spiritual or non-spiritual. It is so incredibly valuable and relevant right now. Then I jumped into The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy and A New World by Whitley Strieber, where he discusses ET contact and energy manipulation. I was bursting at the seams wanting to know more. I studied Deepak Chopra, Judith Orloff, and Wayne Dyer. I learned more about the Chakra System and how it operates, but I wanted to know more! I couldn’t get enough!
That’s when I stumbled upon Dolores Cannon, which I joke even to this day was the slingshot that launched me into deep awakening. Every word I read sent me into profound experiences that unlocked unbelievable knowing within myself that life is not as it seems. Dolores Cannon was a past-life regressionist who began her career in the 80’s and spent the rest of her life dedicated to uncovering the unspeakable truths of reincarnation, life on other planets, and being able to heal yourself with your mind and/or with help from unseen forces that exist around us all the time. I read 10 of her 20 books in a matter of a few months. I felt in my bones that she was someone pivotal to my journey and these books found me at just the right time in my life.
To save this blog from becoming a book, I’ll save the details of all of 200+ books I read in my first year of awakening, the dozens of courses I took, the lectures I attended, the certifications I acquired, and the massive amount of time I spent in deep meditation. I want to paint a picture for you of how dedicated I was (and still am) to learning about the nonphysical. But I don’t want you to see this as bragging or some form of high-level achievement I think I’ve reached. It’s nothing to brag about. Which leads me to my main point of balancing the physical with the nonphysical.
Integration
As I was taking in all of this information, I’m sure you could paint a picture in your mind of how my nervous system was doing. I consider myself a bit of a superhuman at times, and in this case, I probably needed to branch away from that title instead of wearing it like a badge of honor. No matter how superhuman we believe we are, we are still human, and there’s no possible way any human being that take in that much deep information without some serious integration time. What we end up doing is overloading our minds and completely abandoning our bodies. Our mind is nonphysical, it can move fast. So fast that thoughts can pass without any conscious awareness of it. But our bodies can’t do that. We can only run so fast, and if our legs can’t keep up with how fast our mind is running, they will collapse underneath us, and we’ll be left lying face down in the gravel, bruised and beaten from the fall.
In our society, we haven’t been taught a whole lot about the nervous system. Actually, quite the opposite. Our world teaches us to move faster, be better, try harder, IGNORE THE BODY AT ALL COSTS! We have been told intuition isn’t real, or even worse, that our gifts are the work of demonic entities trying to possess our bodies, which has some validity, but isn’t at all what it’s painted to be. We are the most diagnosed we’ve ever been, and why do you think that is? We have become unbalanced. Living in our minds constantly without any consideration of the body. We pop a pill to get rid of the pain, we take substances to silence the noise, and we crave deep connection to each other, but never pick up the phone for a chat. We live inside our homes (our minds) and don’t spend nearly enough time in nature (our body). No wonder we’ve gotten so disconnected from our truths. We’ve been trusting other people’s lies, telling us success is measured in money and status instead of our own well-being and the amount of free time we have to just sit in peace and quiet. We’ve been taught luxury is being comfortable with all of our things, but at the end of the day, none of that matters. It is connection we seek. But it isn’t connection to some outside God. It’s connection with ourselves, and the reflections of ourselves within our own personal reality, which is alive within others, and within the Earth.
The Creator is omnipresent. Alive in everything. The disconnection in the world is not due to a lack of worship or reading passages. It’s due to a lack of seeing our inherent truth, and that is everything physical and nonphysical is connected… Deeply. When we are busy trying to survive, we forget that. We start becoming “selfish” and only seeing through our own lens, skipping empathy for others and going straight into judgement because we’re so lost within ourself. We spend our lives pointing our attention outward instead of looking within. It’s geniusly orchestrated, so don’t beat yourself up if this is ruffling some feathers. We’ve all been there. It’s written in the program. As you gain awareness of this is where you have the opportunity to rewrite that program, and take action towards a more mindful, fulfilled life.
It Takes Time
When you do gain this awareness, though, it is sometimes difficult to change. Some things you’ll see come easily, and others are like ripping yourself wide open while it feels like the world is watching, just for you to fail, try again, fail again, try again, fail again… But none of it is failure. It is learning. We didn’t become programmed in one day. It’s taken lifetimes of deep, hardwiring to get us to where we are now. Our DNA never dies. It travels with us from life to life, planet to planet. Yes, you’ve lived on other planets. Why do you think we want to leave here so badly? Our DNA knows there is more, but our DNA is somewhat limited here. We live in the density of Earth, and again, our bodies move slowly. But I’ll tell you now, there’s no such thing as “junk” DNA. It can be accessed and utilized with proper preparation and integration. Just don’t be like me and blow a fuse running a healing marathon for four years. The journey to healing takes lifetimes and cannot be completed in one round.
I’ve mentioned now a few times how quickly I raced through the first part of my awakening, and even though I know it all happened according to divine plan, it was one of those learning experiences you really wish you had taken time to study first instead of jumping headfirst into. Going that fast caused my hormones to plummet, my adrenals to crash, and my psyche to walk a tightrope between realities constantly. I was ungrounded, blowing out electrical equipment, and moving sometimes at what felt like the speed of light. I was going from being immersed in deep concepts of quantum entanglement to making sure my child was fed and off to school by 8 in a matter of seconds. I never took breaks from learning, and I thought was juggling the physical and nonphysical like a pro, but I was wrong.
My mind started to bend, and nearly broke from this fast-paced lifestyle. I was neglecting everything in my physical life just for the sake of knowing everything I could about healing. That’s when I saw it wasn’t about healing at all. It was wrapped around my belief that I was broken and needed to be fixed. Like a lot of us often feel. We’re made to believe that if we don’t become a world-renowned something or other that we aren’t worthy, and that’s not the truth. In this moment, I believe there’s more to say about the person living the completely ordinary life that’s found peace and happiness more so than the celebrity who worked as an average Joe and then won their ticket to fame and is now a multi-millionaire. It’s easy to be happy when you have access to anything you could possibly want… Or is it?
This is why I say if you can find stillness in your ordinary life and settle into joy right then and there, you have achieved real enlightenment. Outside of the workbooks, the courses, the podcasts… Even though those things are still valuable, they are not going to make you any happier until you achieve this balance between the physical and nonphysical. When you recognize that life isn’t about striving to be better or have more, and you look around and feel peace for everything you have right now, that is when that fire feels truly fed. Not set ablaze into uncontrollable flames, or put out by naysayers. It’s kept tamed by mediocrity, funny enough. Simply accepting that we don’t have to be everything to everyone all the time. We can be exactly who we are, right now. Imperfections and all. Knowing we are indeed protected and guided by an unseen force, but also by the physical things that appear in our lives.
Such as a billboard literally giving you a “sign” to move forward with opening your own coffee shop. Or a stranger sharing their story about grieving a loved one right after you lost your beloved pet. These things are what inspire us and drive us to become truly “better” and more healed versions of ourselves. The courses are nice, and they can absolutely be life-changing, but we should never lose sight of or diminish the power of the present moment. Magic exists around us wherever we look, and if you ever get to a place of questioning your own power, just look around. Life is everywhere, and you are an integral part of keeping the wheels of life moving. Without you, there is one less star in the sky, which can affect the fate of our entire universe. You are an energy source for all life on this planet, whether you are aware of it or not. Give yourself credit, you are a powerful being. Powerful beyond anything you could imagine. I think it’s time we start seeing and accepting this truth about ourselves. We all want to play our part in changing the world, and this balance, I believe, is how we do it.
